honey

our show honey opens tonight.

i think it's a bloody good show.

you should come to it if you are in wellington.

bring koha.

starts at 8:30.

we are extremely lucky to have been provided some real real nice tshirts by 'tshirt geniuses', AS COLOUR.

they look great on stage. like real tshirts.

please come. it will be incredibly embarrassing if no-one comes.

please come. we took an 11 hour busride to get here.

please come. there are lights and music and everything.

please come. bring koha.

8:30 at freds on frederick street (off taranaki street).

top 5 things (grandfather tribute list)

1. euphonium
2. golf
3. beethoven
4. 10% management fees
5. cream
6. potatoes w/butter
7. the same jokes
8. the west coast

top five things

1. seinfeld
2. pebbles
3. virginia

virginia and joseph's new zealand fringe festival picks

here are virginia and my picks for the 2012 wellington fringe festival. most shows are pretty cheap. lots are just koha. obviously you can only go if yr in wellington. we decided this while preparing to eat some cornflakes. the 'hot picks' have been chosen mostly based on their titles and pictures. or knowing people in them.

1. honey - obviously this is gonna be a killer show. great cast. great direction. nice title. this is sort of a show about a couple who decide to turn into honey. and sort of a show about mice. hot sound design by darian woods. 
2. dark stars - "sounds like and interesting story. arthur meek is..." - virginia.
3. should we stay or should we go - virginia went to clown college with these two people. i think the central conceit is a great gimmick (that they're using the audience to decide whether or not to stay in new zealand).
4. puppet fiction - this is pulp fiction done with puppets. seems chill. "i wonder if they'll do the big kahuna scene." says virginia. "i think they're doing every scene." replies joseph.
5. confessions - this is a show by our friend ben henson. pretty much an 'all-star cast'. i went to the preview last night. there were plenty of laughs and grimaces. also a real good aesthetic.
6. babylon - i don't know anything about this but the poster is cool.
7. space bitches - written by handsome lad, hamish parkinson and featuring something like art direction by chris stratton and ruby reihana wilson. also i think jonathan and tobias and richard have something to do with it do. if they've formed some kind of glitched out space band then this should be good.
8. songs from the bottom of a hilltop -  this seems like it's a conceptual music project by a band called sven olsen's brutal canadian love saga. i remember my teacher gary told me it was great. i'd like to see it.

bonus feature for aucklanders only - virginia's sister is an artist named alicia and has an exhibition on at starkwhite in auckland at the moment. it's potentially the pick of the fringe without even being part of the fringe or even in wellington.

Ant story

i turned into the ant because there was nobody looking. it wasn't even that hard. i just focussed on each little part of my body- one at a time- and made them as small as they could be. then when everything was smaller, but in proportion, i did the same thing. i did it again and again and again. until i was the right size for an ant. then i crawled up onto the bench and rolled around in vegemite so i was the right colour. that was all i did.

when i was the ant, i had a pretty easy life. it was quite boring. i just kind of walked around. sometimes i licked crumbs. i walked through all of the cracks in the concrete and inside of the walls of houses and other buildings. i went inside a computer and sat in front of the little fan in there. that was the most exciting thing.  there were a lot of little lights in there that were flashing.

when you came home i wanted you to see that i turned into an ant so i crawled all over your legs and your tummy and your neck. when you didn't know i was there it was funny. then you saw me and didn't realise it was me and put me between your thumb and finger and squeezed. then you put your finger under your nose and sniffed. *sniff* *sniff*, "vegemite?" you said.

top 5 things

things i'd like to do

1. drink more water
2. drink less caffeine
3. have less 'treats'
4. throw out clothes less
5. buy clothes less
6. be more 'socially active'
7. play more cricket
8. play more tennis
9. try watching baseball
10. try playing baseball
11. attempt to 'make something of myself'
12. walk more
13. jog more
14. run more
15. swim more
16. 'hit the open road' 
17. write something good
18. buy fewer books
19. learn maori
20. learn japanese
21. learn leg-spin
22. learn carpentry
23. learn to make hummus
24. learn computer hacking
25. learn bicycle maintenance
26. learn bird names
27. learn constellations
28. learn sign language
29. learn interesting historical facts
30. learn one real stellar card trick
31. be in a band
32. darn more socks
33. eat healthy
34. buy less food
35. use my poofy scrubber thing every day
36. smell better
37. maintain my nails better
38. become a fixture of my community
39. become a pillar of my community
40. rear a pet
41. think of jokes
42. win more contests
43. be slightly more likable
44. climb ~3 mountains
45. call my parents more often
46. be less flakey 
47. be more handy

Honey

Honey as a metaphor for love and mild case for optimism.



Honey never goes off. They found honey in egypt, in the pyramids, in a pot or something, and they tried it and it was still really delicious and good. This play is about love and is about the universe and the mouse/cheese dynamic and will contain earnestness and stories and singing and flesh and shitty lyricism and honesty and almost certainly some kissing. It's about love. 




Honey is written by Joseph Harper (numerous bicycle related shows) and has been made my Joseph and Virginia Frankovich and Chris Stratton and hopefully Ruby Reihana Wilson. 


Freds on Frederick Street
Entry by koha


Thursday 16th February 8:30pm

Friday 17th February 8:30pm

Saturday 18th February 8:30pm

top 5 things (bands that i listen to when writing lately)

1. neutral milk hotel (obviously)
2. elliott smith
3. cass mccombs
4. batrider
5. mount eerie/microphones

top 5 things (potential style icons)

woody allen

pete townshend

elvis costello

harvey pekar

larry david

bob dylan

the cast of the squid and the whale

the collective japanese

darian

tom

predictions for 2012

1. i will get into a serious bike accident. i think i will break my wrist. i also imagine i will need c. 24 stitches in my face. i think my left cheek will be kind of grated along the concrete after i fall from the bike. my cyst will rupture and it will need stitches. i'll have a big pirate scar on my face. the accident will happen on ponsonby road and will be the kind of accident that happens when drivers open their door. i imagine it will be either oliver driver or michael hurst who i get nailed by. i will be on my way to return dvds.
2. i will begin balding, severely. i will start wearing hats.
3. i will win a significant amount of money (<$200) on an instant kiwi.
4. i will become a massive christian.
5. people will stop being able to laugh. something really funny will happen on a global scale, and for some reason noone will find if funny. it will just wash by and everyone will realise they should have laughed at it. from that point, laughter just stops being a thing that happens. people are still happy and enjoy the feeling of finding something funny (that squirmy thing) but noone will actually laugh at anything. after that, talking will decrease. to the point where people just acknowledge one another with a tiny eye movement. our mouths will actually get smaller and smaller.
6. one of these people will die: toby brockie, jonathan phillips, richard marks, jon lemmon.
7. one of my male cousins will experience a phantom pregnancy.
8. alien war.

top 5 things (2011 in review)

best movies (i mean ones i saw last year)

1. rise of the planet of the apes
2. tree of life
3. fire in babylon
4. norwegian wood
5. tron 2: tron legacy (imax 3d)
6. bridget jones's diary
7. bridget jones's diary 2 (the edge of reason)
8. the turin horse
9. tony takitani
10. greenberg
11. the future

best bands

1. phil elverum
2. arthur russell
3. scoutt niblett
4. jeff mangum

best books

1. 1q84
2. great gatsby (every year)
3. joan didion
4. in watermelon sugar
5. zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance
6. walden
7. the little prince
8. kurt vonnegut
9. impossible vacation

funniest person

1. jeremy randerson
2. guy williams
3. luke bower

best shows (i performed)

1. true stories told live
2. opening night of bikes vs girls in wellington 
3. fundraising night at old folks ass
4. the night of bikes vs girls that tom and sam came to
5. boy and bicycle in wellington where i smashed the lightbulb on a girl's feet
6. bombing real hard on drew and shannon live
7. fan fiction night where i just kind of left halfway through

best shows (i saw)

1. are you scared of me?
2. anna bate's so fake it's real
3. wet wings and watercolours at the wine cellar
4. artaud at rodez
5. wailing chamber in cuba mall

best food

1. la porchetta on ponsonby road
2. sweet mother's kitchen
3. veggie delite
4. bluebird delicio sweet chilli relish
5. this cheese from nosh that is blimmin expensive but worth it
6. dimitris souvlakis

best bike

1. white avanti supersprint (rip)
2. pink avanti supersprint
3. red jumbo bmx thing (rip)

best baby

1. oliver

best sibling

1. tom harper

best cousin

1. anthony davidson

best animal

1. cat
2. frog
3. mynah bird
4. guinea pig

top 5 things

1. cricketers without tattoos
2. duncan fearnley
3. new tent
4. cricket jersey (so many comments)
5. house sitting
6. new bike 
7. chris lilley

top 5 things

1. bridget jones's diary
2. bridget jones's diary: the edge of reason