e for ernest.

top 5 things

2012-02-01T15:23:00.000+13:00

things i'd like to do

2012-01-28T13:39:00.000+13:00

drink more water
drink less caffeine
have less 'treats'
throw out clothes less
buy clothes less
be more 'socially active'
play more cricket
play more tennis
try watching baseball
try playing baseball
attempt to 'make something of myself'
walk more
jog more
run more
swim more
'hit the open road'
write something good
buy fewer books
learn maori
learn japanese
learn leg-spin
learn carpentry
learn to make hummus
learn computer hacking
learn bicycle maintenance
learn bird names
learn constellations
learn sign language
learn interesting historical facts
learn one real stellar card trick
be in a band
darn more socks
eat healthy
buy less food
use my poofy scrubber thing every day
smell better
maintain my nails better
become a fixture of my community
become a pillar of my community
rear a pet
think of jokes
win more contests
be slightly more likable
climb ~3 mountains
call my parents more often
be less flakey
be more handy

Honey

2012-01-20T12:05:00.000+13:00

Honey as a metaphor for love and mild case for optimism.

Honey never goes off. They found honey in egypt, in the pyramids, in a pot or something, and they tried it and it was still really delicious and good. This play is about love and is about the universe and the mouse/cheese dynamic and will contain earnestness and stories and singing and flesh and shitty lyricism and honesty and almost certainly some kissing. It's about love.

Honey is written by Joseph Harper (numerous bicycle related shows) and has been made my Joseph and Virginia Frankovich and Chris Stratton and hopefully Ruby Reihana Wilson.

Freds on Frederick Street
Entry by koha

Thursday 16th February 8:30pm

Friday 17th February 8:30pm

Saturday 18th February 8:30pm

top 5 things (bands that i listen to when writing lately)

2012-01-16T15:28:00.000+13:00

neutral milk hotel (obviously)
elliott smith
cass mccombs
batrider
mount eerie/microphones

top 5 things (potential style icons)

2012-01-08T17:46:00.000+13:00

woody allen

pete townshend

elvis costello

harvey pekar

larry david

bob dylan

the cast of the squid and the whale

the collective japanese

darian

tom

predictions for 2012

2012-01-06T12:10:00.001+13:00

i will get into a serious bike accident. i think i will break my wrist. i also imagine i will need c. 24 stitches in my face. i think my left cheek will be kind of grated along the concrete after i fall from the bike. my cyst will rupture and it will need stitches. i'll have a big pirate scar on my face. the accident will happen on ponsonby road and will be the kind of accident that happens when drivers open their door. i imagine it will be either oliver driver or michael hurst who i get nailed by. i will be on my way to return dvds.
i will begin balding, severely. i will start wearing hats.
i will win a significant amount of money (<$200) on an instant kiwi.
i will become a massive christian.
people will stop being able to laugh. something really funny will happen on a global scale, and for some reason noone will find if funny. it will just wash by and everyone will realise they should have laughed at it. from that point, laughter just stops being a thing that happens. people are still happy and enjoy the feeling of finding something funny (that squirmy thing) but noone will actually laugh at anything. after that, talking will decrease. to the point where people just acknowledge one another with a tiny eye movement. our mouths will actually get smaller and smaller.
one of these people will die: toby brockie, jonathan phillips, richard marks, jon lemmon.
one of my male cousins will experience a phantom pregnancy.
alien war.

top 5 things (2011 in review)

2012-01-05T13:40:00.001+13:00

best movies (i mean ones i saw last year)

rise of the planet of the apes
tree of life
fire in babylon
norwegian wood
tron 2: tron legacy (imax 3d)
bridget jones's diary
bridget jones's diary 2 (the edge of reason)
the turin horse
tony takitani
greenberg
the future

best bands

phil elverum
arthur russell
scoutt niblett
jeff mangum

best books

1q84
great gatsby (every year)
joan didion
in watermelon sugar
zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance
walden
the little prince
kurt vonnegut
impossible vacation

funniest person

jeremy randerson
guy williams
luke bower

best shows (i performed)

true stories told live
opening night of bikes vs girls in wellington
fundraising night at old folks ass
the night of bikes vs girls that tom and sam came to
boy and bicycle in wellington where i smashed the lightbulb on a girl's feet
bombing real hard on drew and shannon live
fan fiction night where i just kind of left halfway through

best shows (i saw)

are you scared of me?
anna bate's so fake it's real
wet wings and watercolours at the wine cellar
artaud at rodez
wailing chamber in cuba mall

best food

la porchetta on ponsonby road
sweet mother's kitchen
veggie delite
bluebird delicio sweet chilli relish
this cheese from nosh that is blimmin expensive but worth it
dimitris souvlakis

best bike

white avanti supersprint (rip)
pink avanti supersprint
red jumbo bmx thing (rip)

best baby

oliver

best sibling

tom harper

best cousin

anthony davidson

best animal

cat
frog
mynah bird
guinea pig

top 5 things

2012-01-05T12:44:00.000+13:00

cricketers without tattoos
duncan fearnley
new tent
cricket jersey (so many comments)
house sitting
new bike
chris lilley

top 5 things

2011-12-23T17:07:00.002+13:00

bridget jones's diary
bridget jones's diary: the edge of reason

top 5 things

2011-12-19T11:27:00.000+13:00

hercules

top 5 things

2011-12-17T11:06:00.000+13:00

'the friendly beasts'
boney m
running
think i have some sort of sick athletes foot or something
jordan, from my work
successful secret santa present
the bit in 'o holy night' where it goes, "FALL ON YOUR KNEES!"

comic #285

2011-12-17T11:02:00.000+13:00

comic #284

2011-12-17T10:52:00.002+13:00

comic #283

2011-12-17T10:51:00.000+13:00

comic #282

2011-12-17T10:50:00.000+13:00

comic #281

2011-12-17T10:49:00.000+13:00

comic #280

2011-12-17T10:48:00.000+13:00

comic #279

2011-12-17T10:47:00.000+13:00

comic #278

2011-12-17T10:45:00.002+13:00

comic #277

2011-12-14T16:54:00.001+13:00

comic #276

2011-12-14T16:53:00.001+13:00

comic #275

2011-12-14T16:51:00.001+13:00

2011-12-14T11:12:00.001+13:00

virginia made this.

top 5 things (crimes where i am the victim (2011))

2011-12-13T14:13:00.000+13:00

my bike got stolen today. as featured in sunday magazine, earlier this year, as the one item i would save if my house was on fire. this was the best bike i've ever had. white and teal/sick black caps theme. real smooth action. always got the following advice when i took it to get a service or repair, "mate, y'know, the wheel, then the brakes, then the service - it's all gonna add up. you'd be better off just spending a couple hundred dollars on a good quality one on trademe or something."
when my laptop got stolen. i only had it for about a year. it was so cool though. it made me feel like i was living in the future. i liked being able to take pictures all the time and also how it was good at playing youtube videos and streaming cricket.
getting punched in the face and becoming some kind of victim of urban poverty. i always took every possible chance to say, "i've never been to hospital." or "i've never broken any bones." but now i can't. my cheek still feels kind of weird. like some kind of soft fruit skin, where the flesh it's protecting has gone to mush due to rot or poking.

been a really great year for crime. merry x-mas everybody.

top 5 things

2011-12-12T14:10:00.000+13:00

got 100 positive feedbacks on trademe.
got 2 positive feedback in real life re: this blue jacket.

comic #274

2011-12-11T19:55:00.001+13:00

i made these christmas card/comics for my fav students.

maybe should make heaps more and compile into an e-zine? called 'for christmas this year, i want euthanasia reforms.' so far i have twelve. i guess i'd have to think of at least thirty-eight more. could probably do that if somebody thinks it's worthwhile.

borders by virginia.

2011-12-10T11:45:00.000+13:00

i am sorry that i haven't been posting that much. i have been writing quite a lot, but mostly i've been writing these two shows that i'm doing next year. one in the wellington/nz fringe festival, called honey (i made a poster for it the other day). and one called billy pilgrim; or marching toward death with wobbly legs like a velociraptor, which is for the comedy festival. i'll put information about both up later.

i have been listening to cool music and eating quite a lot of cheese.

i had dinner with my friend luke bower the other night, and we decided we would try to run in the auckland marathon next year. i think this is the second time i have resolved to run a marathon, but this is the first time i will succeed.

anyway. sorry for not writing that much. i'll get better.

top 5 things

2011-11-22T15:32:00.001+13:00

red crowned crane

top 5 things

2011-11-18T11:03:00.000+13:00

cats
the wicker man

top 5 things

2011-11-15T20:20:00.000+13:00

cats
vegemite

top 5 things

2011-11-12T13:45:00.002+13:00

bread

top 5 things

2011-10-31T13:10:00.001+13:00

1Q84

top 5 things

2011-10-28T12:45:00.000+13:00

egg
going on school camp next week
nursing virginia back to health
wellington
making two new shows for the nz fringe and comedy festivals next year
stoke dark

goal

2011-10-27T20:48:00.000+13:00

i want to grow a thin moustache.

top 5 things

2011-10-19T14:50:00.000+13:00

darian
tobias
jonathan
meredith
other people in wellington that i know
jonathan richman
pepermint chocolate
piggies pies
south island robin
playin the guitar
roast potatoes
real accurate rugby predictions (allez)
medard
coca cola
my bike
just kind of jamming around
salt

comic #273

2011-10-19T14:36:00.000+13:00

comic #272

2011-10-19T14:25:00.000+13:00

comic #271

2011-10-19T14:12:00.000+13:00

top 5 things

2011-10-13T11:40:00.000+13:00

toroa
kea
kokako

boy and the bicycle is on this week in auckland

2011-10-09T23:26:00.000+13:00

here is a link to information.

basically it's 8pm at the Wine Cellar on wednesday and thursday.

please come.

please.

wellington is next week.

top 5 things

2011-10-07T08:29:00.000+13:00

blue
green
brown
black
white
gray
ronnie van hout

goal

2011-10-06T13:09:00.003+13:00

i want to manipulate my penmanship so it's the same as colin mccahon's.

top 5 things

2011-10-04T10:15:00.000+13:00

virginia
tawharanui

capital times (2x show overzealous extravaganza)

2011-09-28T00:12:00.000+13:00

i'm bringing two shows to wellington in october.

pretty excited about it.

last time i performed in wellington was at te papa, doing this stand-up thing. it was possibly the worst performance i've ever done. i did five different jokes that had the punchline, "matariki".

the time before that though was during the comedy festival and was the most fun i've ever had performing. it made me think wellington is the best place to perform cool shows.

so i'm bringing that show back down, and also bringing this other show that i made with my friend chris stratton. so this post is about those shows.

joseph harper bicycle diptych:
the boy and the bicycle
and
bikes i've owned versus girls i've fallen in love with
in wellington

thursday the 20th and friday the 21st of october
7pm and 8:30pm
at freds on frederick street
entry by koha

about the shows:

if you didn't see it in the comedy festival, then this is the best opportunity to see it.

this some stories about bikes and girls from my 'krappy' memory and i guess it's about love and loving and sarah ulmer.

i think it's a pretty good show. it was nominated for the billy t award and it was well received. it's suitable for adults and... teenagers and old people so if you know of people who might like to come and see it, please invite them. maybe tell yr coworkers. i think it's the kind of show that coworkers would be into. i would love for you to come to this show.

it's going to start at 7:00pm

facebook event
eventfnder
auckland show
review

i wrote this last year while in my final year studying playwrighting under gary henderson and then made in into a show with my friend chris. the script won playmarket's 'playwrights b4 25' competition. i feel pretty proud of it.

it's about depression and is presented as a set of interlocking expressive abstractions. highlights include: bikes, black dogs, outsider cello technique by chris stratton, post-spectacle lighting performed by ruby reihana-wilson, edmund hillary, and webbing. i would love for you to come to this show.

it's going to start at 8:30.

facebook event
eventfinder
auckland season

if you have any questions or want to interview me or just talk to me you can call me (027 3924447) or email me (jeharper0088(at)gmail.com).

thank you for reading.

joseph

holiday

2011-09-27T14:35:00.000+13:00

does anyone have a lil batch or something that isn't ages away from auckland that i could rent this weekend (sat-mon)? i can pay a real real low rate.

2011-09-26T14:28:00.001+13:00

last night i was dreaming that i was running in a marathon and it was absolutely crucial that i never finished. but there were big big big men with weapons like shiny guns with knifes on them and big, lacquered pieces of wood, making sure everybody was running proper and the best they could. so i was looking for all of the trees and poles so that i could make them get in my way. and i was tripping over gutters and dogs so that i'd fall and i was getting pretty badly grazed and pretty badly bruised but at least i was doing a hell of a good job and i didn't feel scared that i'd be finished soon. i figured i could probably grate myself down to nothing before that happened.

top 5 things

2011-09-23T10:01:00.000+12:00

james' comics
coming to do some shows in wellington in a month
oats (THIS ONE IS FROM THE PERSPECTIVE OF A HORSE)

clothes swap/sale or something

2011-09-21T22:17:00.002+12:00

i have some clothes that i don't really want that much. i kind of want some clothes but i don't want to buy them. so i thought i could propose a clothes swap.

we could swap clothes.

i've taken some pictures of the clothes i want to swap.

i am after a few things. though i'm pretty vague. i kind of want:

a green army jackety thing. y'know. like a military jacket. maybe with a hood. i dunno. not certain on the hood. kind of like the one woody allen wears in annie hall (and also i think manhattan). like this:

or like the girl in freaks and geeks:

or one of those german army parkas (do they make those small enough for me? (i mean, i just assume all german warriors are massive (but actually i think klaus kinski was pretty short, right?))) with the hood. just pretty much any military green jacket actually. yknow? doesn't even have to be actual army. just the colour/fabric or whatever.

2. i want a zip up hoodie. just a plain one. probably grey would be the best. but actually the colour doesn't matter very much. just grey would be the best. here's a picture of tobias wearing one and lookin really good:

3. i guess in keeping with my life strategy of getting things way after they're cool, i'd quite like some desert boots. kind of prompted by this picture of kurt vonnegut:

i need some new roman sandals too as it's getting warmer and mine are lost. brown or black. doesn't matter. actually, don't even have to be roman sandals. just good sandals. have you watched arrested development lately? everybody wears sandals on it. it's like they told the wardrobe person, "they're a wealthy family. kind of goofy." and she just decided, "oh. sandal people you mean?".

4. i need some togs because i only have my speedo.

and these are the things i have to trade. i also have a bunch of shirts and trousers but i figured noone would care about them. actually i got one pair of trousers which i ordered from topman. these brown, carrot cut cords. here's what i photographed anyway (sorry about the bad photos):

1. non-zip hoodies. one is this cool blue one that is pretty thick. i don't know what it's made of. it looks kind of from the 70s to me. like a jogger would have had a track suit that it was part of. it's kind of fiersome blue. it has a big lecoq sportiff logo. this is actually the only item of clothing i have from when i moved to auckland 3.9 years ago. the other one is striped and has pretty good colours. gray/blue/white. it's pretty cool. both have pockets.

2. these jacket type things. one is a grey blazer. pretty slick. i got it from jonathan phillips during his infamous 'brandy fueled garage sale' where he forced me to drink all this brandy at about 9am and then sold me homoerotic japanese literature. it was a great garage sale. it's a nice jacket. jonathan bought it. so y'know. he's pretty upper crust. the other is a swandri (genuine). red and black (support the canterbury earthquake). the zip up kind. size small. really warm. i just cant deal with the checks y'know? that's the only complaint i have with it.

3. these track pants. they have stirrups. they are adidas brand and are a pretty slim fit. pretty much speak for themselves right? pretty much perfect if you're an actor or dancer or my uncle bryan.

4. two hats. one is a red and black chicago bulls baseball cap with one of those snappy backs. the other is a winter hunting or something hat. with earflaps. and a front flap you can fold up. it's leather on the outside (i think) and wool on the inside.

5. these shoes. asics ones that are touch shoes that look like tigers. vans ones that are 'chukka' cut i think. adidas ones. i got the adidas ones because i wanted the same shoes as donnie darko. pretty weird right? jeremy corbett also has a pair. all are in pretty normal shoe condition.

6. i also have a casio digital watch which i bought when i thought my real watch was broken, but then i got my real watch fixed so i never wear the digital one. it's the retro kind of casio digital watch. like this one. also some sunglasses. some bill bass ones with tortoishell frames like raybans but with just the top part of the eye. does that make sense? and these weird metal sunglasses which make me think of gta vice city. also i have a playstation 2 and a lil table with purple paint drips all over it and a brown leather briefcase bag type thing.

that's all i can think of. let me know if you want to trade with me. or let me know if you just want some of my stuff and we can work it all out. we can work it all out.

ps i'm smallish and all of this stuff is pretty much small or medium. not a lot of extra large content.

ceremonial burial

2011-09-21T14:03:00.000+12:00

there's a concert on tonight in wellington

if you live in wellington, you should definitely go. it's at freds on fredericks street.

it's $5 to get in and the money goes towards getting this serious surgery for tobias' girlfriend gabby. i wish i was in wellington. i would definitely go to it.

there are three bands playing. mount pleasant, with moths, and lowlands.

it's going to start at 8 and go till about 10.

honestly this is the best cause/concert combo i can imagine. way way way better than liveaid.

please go if you like cool music and being nice.

here's ringo foolin' around.

top 5 things

2011-09-19T15:27:00.001+12:00

rain
honey

top 5 things

2011-09-15T13:03:00.000+12:00

kurt vonnegut
mckinlays of dunedin

top 5 things

2011-09-12T15:20:00.001+12:00

pixie caramels
woody allen
curb your enthusiasm
bread
mynah birds
not losing any more followers (don't know what i'm doing wrong)

cyrano de bergerac

2011-09-12T13:58:00.002+12:00

there is this website called 'for every year'. i think it was invented by this english guy names crispin best. he seems like a really cool guy and has a real nice website and kind of looks like stuart from belle and sebastian. the idea for the website is to have a piece of writing for every year from 1400 to now. it's a pretty good concept and it seems to be doing really well as it's up to 1655 (i don't know how long it's taken to get to there). i did 1655. i wrote about cyrano de bergerac. crispin turned it into this amazing looking e-book thing. here it is on the website. i reccomend going on the website and looking at some of the other stories. and you can look at mine too. crispin did a good job.

also cyrano is probably the best guy.

bikes i've owned versus girls i've fallen in love with (fundraiser party)

2011-09-10T17:20:00.000+12:00

i am going to perform my show bikes i've owned versus girls i've fallen in love with, again. if you didn't see it in the comedy festival, then this is the best opportunity to see it.

chris and i are putting it on as a fundraiser event for our other show, which we want to take to wellington. it's going to be a little party thing and we will have mulled wine and maybe even cake and i will tell these stories to everyone.

it's going to be on the 30th of september at the auckland old folks association hall on gundry street (in auckland). entry will be by koha and the wine and cake will also be available for koha. we're hoping people will come from about 7:30. it's just going to be a nice time which wont be too loud or anything. just talking to each other and being nice.

i think it's a pretty good show. it was nominated for the billy t award and it was well received. it's suitable for adults and teenagers and old people so if you know of people who might like to come and see it, please invite them.

please bring a pillow and maybe a blanket. just in case we can't find enough chairs.

if you have questions or want to know more about anything, all of my contact details are here. the facebook event is here.

thanks for reading and i hope to see you at this thing.

from joseph

top 5 things

2011-09-10T16:52:00.000+12:00

between two mysteries by mount eerie
fireworks
movies
rocket fuel sauce

top 5 things

2011-09-09T13:10:00.000+12:00

france are going to win the world cup
walking dogs
badminton

wharf thing

2011-09-08T23:04:00.000+12:00

virginia got a bike. it's gold and is pretty sleek. obviously this is a pretty serious development. kind of an aphrodisiac to be honest. we went on our first ride together the other day. we went down to that wharf thing with all the big tanks that has been gentrified (they sell these spanish doughnuts things so it's pretty far gone). it was pretty nice. virginia is maybe tense about the photos because she thinks she is really unphotogenic. definitely not though. clearly that's not the case. i mean for one thing, my camera is pretty zen. i don't think it lets people look bad. but also. y'know. she's very beautiful.

this is our bikes.

this is virginia riding her bike. this one is a pretty serious photo eh. really happy with it.

virginia was really squirming when i was trying to take this photo and said "it's not even going to work anyway because of the sun." and i guess she's kind of right. but it looks pretty good.

again. she is really beautiful clearly.

this is us standing in this big metal staircase thing. you can see my black eye. good to have photographic reminders of this troubled time.

cantabrians

2011-09-08T19:57:00.000+12:00

i went to christchurch last week to recoup i guess and also just see my brother and my mum and dad. here are some photos i took.

me standing outside my parent's house.

i went into town because i hadn't really seen it since february. i thought this was pretty funny.

these are some ducks that are asleep outside 'the strip'.

this is a car driving in saint martins.

this is a woman who is delivering pamphlets on her bike.

the jumbo food centre.

this is a lady with a baby on a bike.

this is two old people in a super-market.

this is an old lady carrying her groceries on her bike.

this is a hedgehog i found.

this is my old basketball hoop.

this is the church near my house.

this is this pixie named robin that virginia's grandmother made and gave to me after i got beaten up, to make me feel better. he is standing against the striped spearmint wallpaper in my old bedroom.

top 5 things

2011-09-08T12:54:00.001+12:00

tobias' fundraising thing
my fundraising thing
i felt my size by the microphones
sam/sara/oliver
pebbles
grapes

music response: tagi sina

2011-09-07T13:36:00.000+12:00

we did another of those music response things. this one was to this contemporary tribal (or something) song called tagi sina by this band called te vaka. i'll put a video with the song at the bottom. this is the picture i drew.

night climb/butterfly funeral

2011-09-07T13:30:00.000+12:00

i decided to go for a walk a few weeks ago at night. i had drunk three cans of pepsi and a pot of tea so i was kind of full of energy. i spent a lot of time looking at ipods on trademe and ate about two thirds of a really nice carrot loaf. also it was just a nice seeming night. it wasn't that cold. a little bit cold. but not biting or anything. and i could tell that once i started walking i wouldn't even notice it. i wore my gloves anyway.

i started walking towards chris' house, but then saw mount albert kind of looming, and decided it would be a good idea to try and climb it. i've been thinking about mountain climbing a lot. i usually think about it a little bit (i've found it to be a pretty effective metaphor in a few different plays and i also dream about edmund hillary on a fairly regular basis) but lately i've been thinking about it a lot. i read 'the dharma bums' by jack kerouac and there's a lot about mountain climbing in there. i guess i got hyped about it after reading that. i think that's why i started saying "zen" all the time too.

so i just started walking to the mountain. i've not climbed it before, so i didn't exactly know where i was going. i just kind of tried to go up, where possible. i figured as long as i was going up, i was going okay. sometimes that was hard because everything seemed pretty flat. but when that happened i just kept on moving until i found a point where i could go up again. at the start i had a lot of direction, because i could see the mountain and just walked towards it, but the closer i got, the harder it was to feel like i knew where to go.

i was right and after about five minutes i took off my gloves. it was actually really warm out. or at least i felt warm.

at the end of harlston road i found a dead butterfly. i decided to put take the butterfly to the top of the mountain and bury it. i don't know why. it just seemed like a nice thing to do. because i didn't have any little flag or anything, but i wanted to mark the fact that i climbed the mountain. also i thought that it was a nice thing to do for the butterfly for some reason. i put the butterfly in my breast pocket and tried to find the way up the hill.

it didn't take too long, and i was pretty warm. i found this paddock that seemed to be pretty inclined and i could kind of see that maybe the summit was at the top, so i jumped the fence and climbed up. it was really easy to climb and i felt like my boots were really grippy and good.

when i got to the top there was a nice view of lots of lights and it was kind of windy. i felt like it was a really zen atmosphere. i decided maybe i should do a little mihi for the butterfly before i buried him so i texted virginia and asked her if she could find one on the internet and tell me it. then this guy came up. he seemed really sad and quiet. i got the feeling like maybe he had just got divorced or his kid said that it hated him or something. i dunno what. but that something bad had happened and that when something like that happened, this guy liked to climb up mount albert and try and get a grip or some serenity. there was plenty of serenity.

i talked to him a bit and his name was malcolm. there were huge pauses between everything we said to each other because we were trying to not disturb the atmosphere or something.

i got a text from virginia which was the mihi so i walked a bit away from malcolm and dug a very small hole using my fingernails and put the butterfly in it. then i said the mihi real real quiet into the hole. i filled in the hole and put a little bit of grass on it.

i said goodbye to malcolm and walked back through the paddock. when i got to the bottom i saw this sign that said they were breeding ticks in there. so i started getting worried about ticks. but mostly i just felt pretty good.

i walked home and had a cup of tea or went to bed or something. i don't remember sorry. i think maybe i read a book. probably anyway.

this is a picture i drew of what it was like on top of mount albert.

top 5 things

2011-09-06T17:37:00.000+12:00

bananas
pebbles

lame nostalgia

2011-09-03T19:17:00.000+12:00

i made this zine for virginia and then decided that i should scan it and make it into this e-zine thing. it's just pictures and stories. i'm pretty in awe of this mode of presentation. the digital page turn really rocks. so here it is.

top 5 things

2011-09-01T14:56:00.000+12:00

hercules
banana-berry smoothies
boysenberry trumpets

top 5 things

2011-08-29T20:57:00.000+12:00

virginia
seeing my family
random christian lady*
sex and death to age 14 by spalding gray
worry dolls
milkshake

auckland continues to shatter my dream of a plebeian zen life

2011-08-27T14:57:00.001+12:00

i got assaulted and robbed by three, big, young men yesterday evening. i got punched in the face and i have a fractured orbital floor or something which is pretty much the eye socket area. i got taken to the hospital in an ambulance and was there till about 3 in the morning. i had to get x-rays and a cat scan. i liked getting the cat scan. and my x-rays were taken by this handsome, black, south african man who was very charming. the right side of my face is extremely swollen and i can't really chew anything. luckily i have a lot of kiwifruit.

don't really have anything to say. just kind of continuing to think about karma and that. just kind of confused. maybe some people can give me some smoothie recipes?

puddle story

2011-08-26T12:40:00.000+12:00

i simply lost my grasp on the shape i was supposed to be, and melted into a pool of organ fluids and waxy, bubbling skin. and you stood in the puddle and i don't think you were melting, but you were definitely stomping around and you didn't seem to care that it was getting all over your legs and your dress and in your hair.

top 5 things

2011-08-25T15:14:00.000+12:00

private cutlery
'king' dick mcfarlane
the plebeians rehearse the uprising by gunter grass

the boy and the bicycle

2011-08-24T15:10:00.002+12:00

chris stratton and i are doing two nights of this play. details, via the facebook event:

i wrote this play last year as my 'grad show' while studying playwrighting at unitec (bleak). then chris stratton and i made it into this show. we performed it last year a few times in this little box thing for audiences of about 15. i think it went pretty well. earlier in the year it was judged to be the inaugural winner of PlayMarket's "Playwright's B4 25" competition. we decided to do some more shows of it so we're doing two nights at the wine cellar.

it's a show about depression. autobiographical i guess. or maybe internal-autobiography? i dunno. kind of a collection of abstractions that sort of orbit around that subject. featuring: dogs, adolescent misanthropy, cellos, sir edmund hillary, and a talking bicycle. i dunno about chris, but i was trying to express what my Depression is. it's pretty personal anyway.

entry by koha after the show (we're trying to save money and take this to wellington so we can 'sweep' the chapmen tripps (not actually)). if you feel the need to book you can email me at jeharper0088@gmail.com or call me on 0273924447. i'll make a new spreadsheet to keep track of that stuff. otherwise just show up. shows start at 8pm.

this is real long. sorry.

i dunno. it'd be cool if you invited people who you think might be into this. chris and i would really appreciate it, anyway. we put a lot of time and effort into this show. god. really lame. i just want to express that this means a lot to me and i feel strongly about this work and there's a lot of me in it.

thanks for reading.

if you want to know anything else, just ask or msg me or whatever (pretty much like a trademe auction).

thanks.

joseph

top 5 things

2011-08-23T21:54:00.000+12:00

gin/tonic
rugby socks
big friendly eyes

zen or not

2011-08-22T13:36:00.000+12:00

this is a new thing where i'm gonna try compile a comprehensive list of things that are 'zen'. if you think the thing is zen, then leave a comment saying "zen". if you think the thing is not zen, then leave a comment saying "not zen". you can give reasons if you want. i don't know how often i'll do them. just when i think of them.

1. are subway sandwiches zen?

top 5 things

2011-08-22T13:17:00.000+12:00

butterfly nebulas
nocturnal mountain climbing
tofu sushi
strange overtones by david byrne and brian eno

re: stolen laptop/lost music

2011-08-20T11:32:00.000+12:00

so there hasn't been any word on my laptop. i remember seeing some police show and they were like, 'if a missing person isn't found in the first 48hrs, it's pretty unlikely we're gonna find them.'. i guess that's probably true for laptops too. though the police probably don't attack the case with the same zeal.

i guess it hasn't actually been that annoying. i've been re-writing all the stuff i lost and i think actually maybe it's a valuable exercise.

mainly the biggest bummer so far has been the loss of all my music. and i can't figure out how to successfully download using this new computer (it's a bit older). so i'm going to follow through on my idea of asking people who i know or who read this for help.

i was wondering if you could maybe put some good music for me on a dvd or cd or flash drive or something and send it to me? data files rather than audio cds/dvds would be better so i can just put stuff straight onto my computer.

i have some requests (like i figured out what bands i listen to the most or like the most or would benefit from having my collection of them back). but other than that i guess if it's really good then i will probably like it? if not i can just delete it anyway right?

so my requests. if anyone has like the discography of any of these bands and could send it to me (or if you live in auckland i can come to you maybe? fine by me if it's fine by you.). these are the bands that i'd like to get all their albums and stuff again:

mount eerie/the microphones (maybe jonathan or richard or something can help me with that if i don't know anyone in auckland? if you do jonathan, could you put yr music on it too? hopefully you read this.)
neutral milk hotel/olivia tremor control/elephant 6 (i guess tobias has a bunch of this?)
animal collective/avey/panda/various off-shoots like black dice or whatever (darian maybe? if darian then also the same as with jonathan please?)
arthur russell (hopefully someone has a whole bunch. i downloaded this really big set of albums but i can't remember where i found it.)
elliott smith (tom or lucy or darian or i dunno. other depressed people?)
talking heads/eno-byrne (i'm not sure)
radiohead (assuming everyone has all of this.)
the smiths (guy williams? guy williams doesn't read this i don't think. i'll just ask him.)
velvet underground/nico (sam?)
the flaming lips (i dunno? everybody right?)

sorry if that's lame music. the first five are the main ones. if i could get all of that, it'd be really really amazing. i guess maybe that list gives some kind of idea of what music i like. though before the laptop got stolen i was listening mainly to the beach boys/all this cool post-dubstep darian gave me/these 70s singer songwriter ladies like vashti bunyan and linda perhacs. i dunno. i also like jazz. so if someone has a bunch of alice coltrane and some bop and miles/john/whatever...

jesus. sorry this is so long.

anyway. if you can help me out it'd be cool man. if yr in auckland and want to meet up to let me drain you, you can email me (jeharper0088@gmail.com) or text me (02739234447) or just leave a comment. or just send it to:

j. e. harper
1/188 blockhouse bay rd
blockhouse bay
auckland
0600

thanks

top 5 things

2011-08-20T11:31:00.000+12:00

urban tramping
urban scroggin (diced snickers bar + diced yogurt nut bar (can't believe yogurt isn't spelled "yoghurt"))
7 part video of mount eerie and julie doiron playing in some lil hall (part one is here)
two shows coming up
pt. chevalier community market (kids only day). bought some hand drawn comics and some socks
de winkel (vegetarian) yogurt

top 5 things (negative)

2011-08-19T13:44:00.000+12:00

so like 'bottom 5' or something.

getting rashy around my neck from riding in a scarf, but also being too cold to not wear the scarf.
gelatin being in yogurt.
not being able to cook in jeremy's enamel pans without burning them up real hard.
shaving.

email i sent to 'sistema'

2011-08-19T09:23:00.001+12:00

hello.

i bought one of your 600ml stainless steel drink bottles from a countdown supermarket, two weeks ago. i was extremely happy with it. this morning opened up the bottle to refill it, and i noticed that it had started to rust around the rim. certainly a bottle made of 'stainless steel' shouldn't be rusting? especially not after only a few weeks of use. i was extremely disappointed in your brand and am quite upset about this turn of events. particularly because i felt, upon buying the bottle, that i had purchased the last drink bottle i would ever have to buy. the 'great water bottle of my lifetime' y'know? and now i have this rusty taste in my mouth. i feel kind of heartbroken by your bottle, and totally disillusioned with the greater decanter industry.

i just wanted to forward my dilemma to you directly.

thank you for reading.

joseph harper

shared morning tea

2011-08-16T23:22:00.000+12:00

at work we have a shared morning tea every friday. each week a group of four is in charge of providing morning tea for the 20ish staff members. i usually enjoy it a medium amount (usually there is a kind of meaty emphasis and so i usually am forced to make the 'sides' into mains).

this week i am in the group that is on morning tea.

i'm sort of freaked out. i don't know what i can make or bring or whatever. the only think i can think to do it buy a bag of carrots and cut them up and then buy some hummus or something. but that seems like a really bad idea.

friday is only a few days away. i have this looming sense of dread. this friday might go down as the worst morning tea in my work's history.

i thought i could write a post about this and that maybe if you have any ideas for what i could make or bring then you can tell me? maybe if i choose/follow through on yr idea then you can win some sort of prize? yeah. sure.

so. i would like something or a couple of things that is/are vegetarian and is/are nice and is/are pretty easy to make and doesn't cost a lot. the only other criteria i have is that i have to be able to transport it/them in my backpack because i bike to work.

thank you in advance. hoping to get at least 4 comments. maybe even more?

little fish story

2011-08-16T11:03:00.001+12:00

I guess you were aware of the little fish that were swimming around in your mouth and slipping down your throat. It was your mouth. And even if you didn't feel them because you were numb in there or just don't have normal oral awareness, I got the feeling you were controlling them. You seemed to be responding to each other anyway. I'm not actually sure how many fish there were. Maybe it was just the same one. A little over-stimulated (not in a bad way (in a good way; like a little kid who is telling a story that means a whole lot to it)) or maybe just getting some exercise or playing hide and seek. You told me you like hide and seek and that you're a good hider, so actually that would make sense given the apparent connectedness between you and the fish. Because the fish was definitely really good. Playing in this fluid way. Allowing a glimpse or a graze but never staying in the same place long enough to get caught (obviously I wanted to catch it. It felt really nice. Like wet greenstone. And what are you supposed to do to a fish other than catch it?). In a way it was like it wasn't hiding at all, but maybe the fish was the seeker. Maybe we were both seeking. Actually that's what it felt like. Seeking each other out with such tenacity that we actually never find the other one. Like:

And it was really really good and really really exciting because those glimmers of seeing and feeling were so great. And catching the fish isn't the real point of fishing, right? It's the fishing that people like to do. I liked it anyway.

top 5 things

2011-08-16T09:38:00.000+12:00

kumara
warm water
stainless steel drink bottles
udon noodles
postcards from darian
biking to work in polar blasts

music response: ride of the valkyrie

2011-08-15T11:31:00.000+12:00

the girl who i look after at work, has music class this term. it's pretty fun. we have been making lots of ostinatos and playing around with little percussion instruments. they also do this thing called a listening log, where the teacher (mr. allen) plays a piece of music and you respond to it by drawing the images it creates or sometimes by writing words. just responding to it in a way that's not, 'that was fast and cool'.

last week we listened to wagner's ride of the valkyrie. this was my response to that music. most of the kids drew rocket ships for some reason. dave (mr. allen) came around and collected all the responses after and when he saw mine he said, "pretty dark response, joseph." then made a really awkward smile. it was pretty funny.

review: rise of the planet of the apes

2011-08-11T13:03:00.000+12:00

rise of the planet of the apes
*spoilers*

andy serkis shows us 'growing monkey resentment'/'existential monkey despair' style acting.
the ape thinks, 'the world is cold and indifferent. why do bad things happen to good monkeys?'

i first saw the trailer for rise of the planet of the apes when i was watching tron legacy at the imax. my friend luke was so desperate for me to see tron legacy that he paid for my imax ticket and a coca-cola and a 'tron-tube' of popcorn. it was a pretty good experience. i liked the bits where the soundtrack was all arpegiating blips and it felt like i was watching some kind of futuristic christlike miracle. kind of. unfortunately, tron simply couldn't stand up to the 3 minute trailer for what immediately seemed -to me- to be the best and most important film of my generation. everything about rise of the planet of the apes seemed perfect. the emotional apes (nee monkeys), the long title, the james franco acting moves. i went home and watched the trailer on the internet four times. i looked up the wikipedia page. i saw that the cast included john lithgow (shrek), tom felton (harry potter), and andy serkis (24 hour party people, 13 going on 30) as 'lead monkey', CAESER. also rip torn.

i became obsessed with this movie. conceptually it seemed so good. especially when stacked alongside the likes of cowboys vs robots, and a movie adaptation of knock 'em sock 'em robots. a monkey gets drugged or something and becomes some kind of disaffected monkey genius and them makes a kind of monkey army and just munts everything up. i knew it was going to be good, but i could never have predicted it would be as good as it actually is. the technical virtuosity was impressive. looked like real monkeys to me (haven't actually seen many monkeys in real life though. so...). politically, it's hard to imagine a more pertinent film, given the recent spate of riots throughout england.

distinctly 'ape-like' gait

serkis shows us 'angry monkey' acting. the ape thinks,
'i am angry. i am going to destroy some shit.'

james franco acts the shit out of this film. he gives a great performance as a loving-but-unintentionally-patronising ape 'father' and driven/ethical scientist. but it is andy serkis who shines brightest here. serkis had already established himself as the world's preeminent monkey actor (with his turns as classic ape protagonist "KING KONG" and his unabashedly ape-influenced portrayal of "GOLLUM" in the lord of the rings.). here though, serkis goes beyond what was previously thought possible in terms on monkey acting. he delivers the full gambit of emotions and presents us with a monkey so loaded with pathos and truth, you'll be hankering for a monkey of yr own. it's hard to believe that the makers of rise of the planet of the apes didn't just, genuinely buy a monkey and invent some kind of intelligence enhancement drug and pump that monkey's brain up and then just film it like a documentary.

serkis shows us 'sad monkey' acting. the ape thinks,
'i am sad. i love john lithgow. i am empathetic and self-aware.'

i thought the storyline was good. it wasn't totally outrageous. it was pretty chill and just kind of ambled along. it did a really good job of setting up the rest of the franchise i think. like the seeds that it sewed were done so it a mostly subtle way that didn't distract from the plot. basically there's this drug company and james franco works there and he's developing a cure for alzheimer's because john lithgow suffers from it and can't even play the piano anymore. they are trialling the drug on monkeys and one monkey seems to prove that it works because it gets real smart and can do this puzzle. but then the monkey freaks out (because it's pregnant i think (but maybe because of the drug?)) and it get shot. it was pregnant and the monkey handler refuses to put down the baby and instead makes james franco take it. so then james franco has this monkey and he also secretly cures his father. stuff happens. they introduce this random woman who is a hot, black, monkey expert and she becomes james franco's love interest (i don't actually know why she was in the movie (i guess it's in franco's contract that he get's to make out with a hot chick in every movie?)). some other stuff happens and then james franco's monkey (CAESER) becomes a genius and then unleashes this resentment on the human race (he's still bros with james franco).

serkis shows us, 'ape-like curiousity' acting. the ape thinks,
'i feel like all the wonders of the universe are contained in this cold metal.
how can i use it to my advantage? i am hungry for power and knowledge.'

i liked the end a lot. i was jumping around in my seat and smacking on the seat in front of me. i felt like the monkey within me had been awoken by the powerful acting and cgi. i empathised completely with the monkeys and felt like the humans should all die. i wanted the monkeys to use the gorilla and orangutan squadrons to throw spears at everything. i wanted CAESER to fashion some sort of crown and ride around on a horse and squeal and say, "UH! UH! UH!".

this was a really good movie.

just put this up

2011-08-11T00:36:00.000+12:00

recipe: flu tea

2011-08-09T23:30:00.000+12:00

i had the flu a few weeks ago. i feel like i'm getting some kind of flu or cold again. i think from biking at night and the air being cold as all hell and getting down my throat and that. when i got home i decided to make some tea to help cure myself. i invented this tea. real real solid invention.

ingredients:

3 cloves of garlic (diced up)
1 peppermint tea bag
1 pinch of cayenne pepper
1 generous tsp of honey
1 slug of whiskey

combine all ingredients with boiling water and let it brew for about 5-6 minutes. eat/drink it all (except the bag). get all that garlic. should smell a bit like bacon if you made it right.

just lap that down and get zen.

burgle

2011-08-09T17:16:00.001+12:00

i got robbed yesterday. i left home in the morning to go to work and when i got home at like 3:55, someone had broken in to my house and taken my laptop and jeremy's laptop.

it's pretty upsetting.

i didn't back-up any of my stuff. so i have lost all of my music and all the writing i've done. all my drafts of plays and things.

really bleak era.

guy is letting me borrow his old powerbook though. i like how small it is.

maybe if i buy an external hard drive, i could mail it to a bunch of different people and you could all put music on it for me?

the worst thing is how good i have been feeling. i've been eating really good and stuff and managing my money better than normal and feeling less dark than normal. actually feeling really good. walking a lot. putting a lot of extra effort into my job. i have even been doing yoga in the morning and at night. just felt pretty 'in control'. so this was a pretty bleak happening. should have been this kind of rug pulling thing. actually didn't mind that much.

actually i'm only really annoyed about losing the writing i had on there. and i was making a mixtape. so that got nixed.

last night i went on a long walk.

View Larger Map

it was pretty good.

i want to get two metal cups and a metal plate and a metal bowl.

feeling okay at the moment. feeling good.

top 5 things

2011-08-07T20:44:00.001+12:00

walking
seeds
talib kweli

2011-08-05T09:27:00.001+12:00

I'm wearing the same socks I wore yesterday.

I also wore them two days ago.

2011-08-04T17:49:00.000+12:00

One of my students (Sam P) drew this picture of me today.

comic #270

2011-08-04T17:16:00.000+12:00

2011-08-04T10:59:00.000+12:00

Eating muesli out of a new bowl.

My hair is a little bit wet.

food story

2011-08-03T14:28:00.000+12:00

I feel like I want to eat you. I want to put you into a big pot filled with some sort of broth and cook you a little bit so I can eat you. It would be good if you could eat to. You could eat me I mean. It will be a really big pot and we can both fit in it and we'll get cooked and there will be carrots and yams and maybe garlic floating around. After we've been cooking for a while (I don't know how long (I'll look it up before)) we can do that thing where you taste the water with a finger and say, 'oh. needs more salt (probably won't need more salt).' or 'mmmmmmmmmmm'. Then we can just start eating each other. Probably we should start with toes. Just suck them off the feet. Then maybe peel the skin off of the top of the feet. It won't hurt though. It will just feel nice. And even if it does hurt, we'll be distracted by eating each other to care that we're being eaten. We will eat all the meat because we're both lean so we wont be stuffed or anything. It'll just be the right amount. I might actually add salt. I like salty food. We mostly wont even think about condiments or spices or anything though. Just because the eating will be so good I think. The meal, but also the act of eating will be satisfying in itself. Eventually there will be less and less of us. We'll eat every bit. Even the brains and stuff like that. Especially the brains and stuff like that actually. Eventually it will just be our mouths left. Everything else will be eaten. And the mouths are trying to eat each other. Smacking into the other mouth and chewing on the other mouth (really meek though because there will be no muscles left, so there'll be no viscousness or strength. Just lapping at the other mouth). That will go on for a really long time. Maybe forever.

Re TigerPlay

2011-08-03T14:15:00.000+12:00

So this play I am in is on this week till Saturday. It's been getting pretty good reactions. If you are in Auckland and yr really bored one night, you can come to it. It starts at 8o'clock and they lock you out if yr late. Come if you want to. If you text or email me to tell me when yr coming, then i can talk to you afterwards. We can hang out I mean.

Felt like I should just do this post. Sorry if yr not in Auckland.

Joseph

top 5 things

2011-08-03T11:08:00.000+12:00

roughage
yoghurt
tissues
presents
scarfs
hot water

top 5 things

2011-08-02T17:23:00.001+12:00

peanut slabs.

Top 5 Things

2011-07-29T11:28:00.002+12:00

richard lewer
radiohead
the wire
garlic
hot dogs

comic #269

2011-07-28T17:00:00.000+12:00

liquor shop story

2011-07-16T15:03:00.000+12:00

i went to the liquor store in avondale (local liquor) to buy some beer. i wanted stoke dark. they didn't have any, so i had to choose something different. i take a long time when i'm buying beer (spending upwards of $14). i stood in the fridge thing for ages before deciding to buy six bottles of monteiths black beer for $14.99. i'd never tried it.

i took the beer up to the counter and waited for the worker to come and sell the beer to me. to man was middle aged and white with a pretty fat stomach and really nice blue eyes. his name was martin. martin asked for my i.d. and i showed it to him. i asked him, "have you tried this (the beer)?". he looked at the beer and said, "no. i don't drink." i didn't expect him to say that at all. there was a little pause and then i said, "oh. cool." i started to say that that was interesting but he cut me off by saying, "except jim beam." my eftpos transaction was accepted. he punctuated our conversation by sternly telling me, "only jim beam." i left his shop and walked home.

2011-07-15T23:32:00.000+12:00

3-5

top 5 things (harry potter character hotness rankings)

2011-07-15T13:50:00.000+12:00

luna lovegood
cho chang
draco malfoy's mum
neville longbottom
remus lupin
sirius black
child snape
prof. trelawney
tonks

2011-07-14T17:26:00.000+12:00

3-4

1

2011-07-14T00:56:00.001+12:00

this morning three little girls were walking to school together. they walked past a large edwardian villa with a dense hedge and a tall iron gate. as they walked past the house, a large dog pulled itself up from its resting position and jogged over to the gate. as it neared the girls, it barked. it barked loud and sharp and angry. it jammed its head in between the bars of the gate. its head was too big to fit completely through, but its nose and mouth wedged through and made the dog's lips pull back so that its gums and foaming spit were showing.

one of the girls shrieked and grabbed the arms of her friends. she did a small backwards jump. one of her friends started to laugh at her. the third girl was looking at the dog. the girl started to cry a little bit. dogs always barked at that girl. every time she walked past a dog, the dog barked. she was just the kind of person who got barked at by dogs. she also often got her shoe laces or jean leg caught in chain when biking. the fruit her mother gave her for play-lunch would usually get bruised.

when she was younger, her favourite thing was going to the museum. she liked to look at the dioramas and displays and try to imagine herself as a person living in the past. she wished she was a maori baby when they lived in huts and killed moas. her favourite thing in her favourite place was the drawers containing dead bugs pinned to little cushions. there were butterflies, spiders and beetles. she spent the vast majority of her visits looking down at the insects. the intricacies of the tiny things astounded. so many little parts that made them up and made them work. one day she decided to take one home. she chose a beetle with yellow stripes on it's otherwise black exoskeleton. it was a cucumber beetle. she pulled off the beetle-drawer's glass lid and pulled the pin out of the beetle's back. she gingerly placed the cucumber beetle in her cardigan pocket, returned the pin to its cushion, and closed the drawer.